So I found this GEM on my desktop earlier this week and could not believe that I had not shared it yet. I wanted to share this while I was pregnant but I did not film it till the week I went into labor. Talking about who Harmon’s biological father and our history is something that I wanted to do for a long time, but it was difficult to do while I was pregnant because it would just bring tears to my eyes. At times because it broke my heart others because the lack of manhood and character that was shown would make sick to my stomach and angry – and both and not healthy while pregnant. I tried really hard to stay emotionally healthy during my pregnancy because I did not want to cause Harmon anymore stress. After all we did fall from the attic.
Drumroll….Who is Harmon’s biological father? I honestly don’t even know how to refer to him. I am a strong believer of titles being earned. I have earned my title as Harmon’s momma. I have fought for his life, I have prayed for him and have valued his life higher than my own and I will forever continue to do so.
I want to start off by saying that he is was not a stranger or a one night stand. I have loved watching people navigate through that question. I am an open book and want to transparent because I have learned so much through this season. One of the biggest things that I have learned is that we can all relate to each other’s brokenness is one way or another because none of us are perfect.
So Harmon’s dad and I met when we were 12 years old in middle school and had continue to be great friends since then. We went to different high schools. He went to a private christian school (he probably missed the part LIFE is given and taken away from God and abortion is murder- but don’t get me started!) I went to a public school. Our friendship grow during our high school years. We both lived in the same city and saw each other often. It was in college when started dating. We dated long distance because we were going to school at different places. Our junior year was a pivotal point in both of our lives. I became a follower of Jesus that year so my whole perspective on live change. He was drafted that year and went off to play baseball professionally. It was not long before we both knew that dating at that point was no longer a good idea. We remained friends. Afterward to last year when started seeing each other again. We obviously fell story in the area of purity.
I found out that I was pregnant last August. I share my pregnancy with him hours after I found out. I spent the first couple of hours praying, crying and begging God to change his mind. When I called him to share the news he did not have much to say. We got off the phone and a couple of hours later he texted me saying we couldn’t do this. I asked him what he was asking me to do and he said. I am asking you to have an abortion. I told him that I could not do that because I could not kill a baby. I could not live the rest of my life knowing that I stopped a heartbeat. A couple of days passed by with text coming in asking me to please end this life. He was scared to death and so was I. But I had a conviction in heart that would not let me move forward with an abortion. I could see a baby’s body being crushed in my head and I just couldn’t, but what was even scarier than that to me was having to stand before my Jesus and confessing that I ended a life that He created. I couldn’t. The thought of having to confess that made every bone in my body ache. I was too scared of what would come after. Thank God! Thank God! Thank God!
We eventually met at Starbucks to talk about it (classy, I know). On my way there I had an encounter with the Lord. He spoke Galatians 1:10 over me,
“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
It was in that moment that my mind was made up. I was a follower of Jesus. And He was the one that I had to do right by. Not Bryson. At the end of the day I was going to give an account to the Lord. He was the one I had committed to. Jesus was my Lord. Not man.
Our conversation did not end well. He told me that ”it” was not alive yet to which I responded with, “well if it’s not alive then why do I have to kill it?”. He realized that my mind was made up and he was not going to change it. He got up and left. He continue to text me to try to convince me to do otherwise.
Our last conversation was not very nice either. He was upset because I told his dad about the pregnancy. He was very disrespectful and I hung up. I just could not believe what was going on. I was being spoken to like someone’s babymomma and I was just not going to have it! I cried because it was just too much. Someone who I had respected and trusted was now being disrespectful and hurtful. I made it very clear that I was not going to have an abortion and if that’s why he was calling it needed to stop because I was not going to change my mind. It did stop. I did not hear from him my entire pregnancy.
Learning to pray for him has been a challenge. During my pregnancy I prayed that the Lord would soften his heart and that he would hit his knees and come to Jesus. I knew that his relationship with the Lord needed to be right before he could be a part of Harmon’s life.
Anyways, watched the video below for details I might have missed. It’s late and its time to get some rest before Harmon wakes up again. I’m glad I found this video. Looking back to all that God has done never gets old. I love sharing my story because I know there is someone else out there going through a similar situation and I want them to know that God is able to make everything right. He never creates life without a plan and He will carry you through and provide every step of the way. I am so thankful the fear of God was put in me because I could not imagine life without Harmon Mayne.